Okay, everyone. Go here to see my temporary blogging space. This might be dead for good though, who knows. I can't get it fixed. But I'm as determined as any tenacious goat. In the meantime:
http://bitterer.blogspot.com/
(Assuming this fracking blog works...)
Monday, May 26, 2003
Saturday, May 24, 2003
The BM Tour - Chapter 2
"It was alarming!"
I don't remember what city I was in, but we were staying at this swanky high tower hotel. Most of us were on the 15th floor. I was exhausted and went to bed pretty early, around 11:30. We had a really early bus call so I set my alarm for 6:30 a.m. (groan with me now!). I fell asleep as soon as I got into bed.
It seemed like I'd barely fallen asleep when that damn alarm went off. Damn, I thought, it feels like I just went to bed! So I rolled over and hit the snooze button, thinking that this was the loudest alarm clock I'd ever heard. It wouldn't turn off. I kept hitting the clock, smacking every button I could find, to no avail. I was in such a fog, I couldn't figure out how to make it stop, and it was SO FUCKING LOUD!
Then I heard the voice: "ATTENTION! ATTENTION! AN EMERGENCY HAS BEEN DECLARED. PROCEED TO THE NEAREST STAIRWAY EXIT! ATTENTION!...."
Thank god that broad started talking, because I had no idea it was an alarm. I was just getting ready to unplug the clock and pitch it in the toilet. So I threw on my shoes and a fleece, grabbed my cell phone and room key, and headed for the stairs.
I met many cast members in the hall leaving their rooms and we all began the long descent down 15 flights of stairs. Now, those friggin' dancers were all like breezing along, but we musician-types detest any prolonged movement, even if gravity is in our favor. Still, we had to get out before the flames engulfed us.
Out on the street after the long climb and standing in a not-so-balmy 40 degree breeze, I finally came to. And I realized that I'd grabbed my cell phone, but left my guitar. What the frig was I gonna do with my cell phone? Yet I left my guitar? And come to find out all the musicians had left their instruments. We were all appalled that we left our axes. What if there really was a fire? We wouldn't be able to replace our instruments in time for tomorrow's show. And what exactly did I think my dumb cell phone was gonna do for me?
It was almost an hour before we were able to get back into our rooms. Imagine a hotel with 16 floors, hundreds of guests, and only two elevators. And by the way, the fire? No fire. Our musical director had burned his popcorn in his microwave.
"It was alarming!"
I don't remember what city I was in, but we were staying at this swanky high tower hotel. Most of us were on the 15th floor. I was exhausted and went to bed pretty early, around 11:30. We had a really early bus call so I set my alarm for 6:30 a.m. (groan with me now!). I fell asleep as soon as I got into bed.
It seemed like I'd barely fallen asleep when that damn alarm went off. Damn, I thought, it feels like I just went to bed! So I rolled over and hit the snooze button, thinking that this was the loudest alarm clock I'd ever heard. It wouldn't turn off. I kept hitting the clock, smacking every button I could find, to no avail. I was in such a fog, I couldn't figure out how to make it stop, and it was SO FUCKING LOUD!
Then I heard the voice: "ATTENTION! ATTENTION! AN EMERGENCY HAS BEEN DECLARED. PROCEED TO THE NEAREST STAIRWAY EXIT! ATTENTION!...."
Thank god that broad started talking, because I had no idea it was an alarm. I was just getting ready to unplug the clock and pitch it in the toilet. So I threw on my shoes and a fleece, grabbed my cell phone and room key, and headed for the stairs.
I met many cast members in the hall leaving their rooms and we all began the long descent down 15 flights of stairs. Now, those friggin' dancers were all like breezing along, but we musician-types detest any prolonged movement, even if gravity is in our favor. Still, we had to get out before the flames engulfed us.
Out on the street after the long climb and standing in a not-so-balmy 40 degree breeze, I finally came to. And I realized that I'd grabbed my cell phone, but left my guitar. What the frig was I gonna do with my cell phone? Yet I left my guitar? And come to find out all the musicians had left their instruments. We were all appalled that we left our axes. What if there really was a fire? We wouldn't be able to replace our instruments in time for tomorrow's show. And what exactly did I think my dumb cell phone was gonna do for me?
It was almost an hour before we were able to get back into our rooms. Imagine a hotel with 16 floors, hundreds of guests, and only two elevators. And by the way, the fire? No fire. Our musical director had burned his popcorn in his microwave.
Friday, May 23, 2003
The BM Tour - Chapter One
"Ziggy"
His name was Ziggy, he was the sound guy...
And he was very strange. You all know I like weirdos, but he was....well, beyond weird. But I have to say I felt sorry for him. He was probably the fat kid who got beat up all the time in school. And he wasn't doing a great job with the sound, for some reasons which were out of his control. He is short and pudgy and he has really long, poker straight hair that kind of looked stringy and oily. And he just didn't fit in. But here's the rest of the story. He was a cross dresser. I don't mean a cross dresser in the Liza Minelli drag queen sense, nor in the transvestite J. Edgar Hoover sense. No, more like the Guinevere sense. He wore these renaissance-ish shirts and hats, and soft, flowy floral print skirts, or bloomers with tights. The bass player (fellow wise-ass Capricorn) once remarked about him "It's amazing that he inherited Mama Cass's wardrobe". Later, he was referred to as a Neo-Shakepearean, Mama Cass wannabe fuckwad". Which isn't nice, but at the time was true.
Now I'm all for people having different ways to express themselves. Whatever. But there's a fine line between expressing yourself and asking for a beating. Ziggy walked out of the hotel one day wearing his tights and bloomers in West Virginia, and as he walked out two rednecks walked in, laughing and saying "Did you see what the fuck he was wearing? 'Scuse my language" He directed that last comment toward me, believe it or not. If he only knew! Another day he walked off the tour bus dressed in full skirt regalia at a fucking TRUCK STOP in the South. The bus driver wanted to beat him himself.
We were all taking guesses on whether he was gay or straight, and I said he probably identifies himself as bisexual, but is probably asexual in reality. One day the 19-year-old assistant stage manager (ASM) outright asked him "Ziggy, are you bi?" And he replied "Isn't everybody?"
No.
One day the band was hanging out drinking beer, as usual, with the cute little girlie 19 y.o. ASM and she was telling us about this "gross catalogue" that they found among his possessions, and it had "all these videos and gross sex toys, and there was this one vibrating thing you put on your fingers..."
I raised my eyebrows. Could it be she was actually talking about the Fukouku 9000?
She said she was going to go get it. And she did. Ran to the tour bus and came back bearing the very catalogue I expected: Good Vibrations. She comes in waving it and the boys are laughing and they go, hey Leah, you're a lesbian you'll like this. And very calmly and matter-of-factly I said, "I already own it. I'm on their mailing list and get the catalogues regularly." So after the long pause, the bass player says "I don't have a problem with YOU owning that catalogue. I have a problem with HIM owning that catalogue!" So someone suggested that Ziggy probably wears a butt plug as part of his daily routine, and that was it. We were never again able to look at Ziggy without thinking there was a butt plug up his ass.
So this catalogue got passed around for about a week. One band guy would sneak it into another's suitcase or music or whatever, because men have such simple senses of humor. And one day I woke up to find someone had slipped it under my door. Ha Ha. So I stuck it in my bag, and later that night, during intermission when Ziggy was away from the sound board, I snuck it back in his knapsack. The next day the bass player says, hey did you find that catalogue? What did you do with it? I told him it was back to the mothership.
He told the band and they thought that was actually very daring and funny and I had brass balls, but that wasn't my intention. Maybe you'll think I'm like the big "Mom" who ruins all the fun, but I just didn't think that making fun of this guy was very nice. It wasn't nice that we took something that belonged to him, and it wasn't nice to show this to practically everyone in the cast to have a laugh at. He may be a freak, but he was still entitled to whatever dignity he has. So I returned it to stop all the nonsense.
At the closing night party the tech staff all exchanged gifts. They gave Ziggy a new skirt. I wasn't sure if they were being genuine about that, or if they were still taking pot shots at him. But, I guess he liked it.
"Ziggy"
His name was Ziggy, he was the sound guy...
And he was very strange. You all know I like weirdos, but he was....well, beyond weird. But I have to say I felt sorry for him. He was probably the fat kid who got beat up all the time in school. And he wasn't doing a great job with the sound, for some reasons which were out of his control. He is short and pudgy and he has really long, poker straight hair that kind of looked stringy and oily. And he just didn't fit in. But here's the rest of the story. He was a cross dresser. I don't mean a cross dresser in the Liza Minelli drag queen sense, nor in the transvestite J. Edgar Hoover sense. No, more like the Guinevere sense. He wore these renaissance-ish shirts and hats, and soft, flowy floral print skirts, or bloomers with tights. The bass player (fellow wise-ass Capricorn) once remarked about him "It's amazing that he inherited Mama Cass's wardrobe". Later, he was referred to as a Neo-Shakepearean, Mama Cass wannabe fuckwad". Which isn't nice, but at the time was true.
Now I'm all for people having different ways to express themselves. Whatever. But there's a fine line between expressing yourself and asking for a beating. Ziggy walked out of the hotel one day wearing his tights and bloomers in West Virginia, and as he walked out two rednecks walked in, laughing and saying "Did you see what the fuck he was wearing? 'Scuse my language" He directed that last comment toward me, believe it or not. If he only knew! Another day he walked off the tour bus dressed in full skirt regalia at a fucking TRUCK STOP in the South. The bus driver wanted to beat him himself.
We were all taking guesses on whether he was gay or straight, and I said he probably identifies himself as bisexual, but is probably asexual in reality. One day the 19-year-old assistant stage manager (ASM) outright asked him "Ziggy, are you bi?" And he replied "Isn't everybody?"
No.
One day the band was hanging out drinking beer, as usual, with the cute little girlie 19 y.o. ASM and she was telling us about this "gross catalogue" that they found among his possessions, and it had "all these videos and gross sex toys, and there was this one vibrating thing you put on your fingers..."
I raised my eyebrows. Could it be she was actually talking about the Fukouku 9000?
She said she was going to go get it. And she did. Ran to the tour bus and came back bearing the very catalogue I expected: Good Vibrations. She comes in waving it and the boys are laughing and they go, hey Leah, you're a lesbian you'll like this. And very calmly and matter-of-factly I said, "I already own it. I'm on their mailing list and get the catalogues regularly." So after the long pause, the bass player says "I don't have a problem with YOU owning that catalogue. I have a problem with HIM owning that catalogue!" So someone suggested that Ziggy probably wears a butt plug as part of his daily routine, and that was it. We were never again able to look at Ziggy without thinking there was a butt plug up his ass.
So this catalogue got passed around for about a week. One band guy would sneak it into another's suitcase or music or whatever, because men have such simple senses of humor. And one day I woke up to find someone had slipped it under my door. Ha Ha. So I stuck it in my bag, and later that night, during intermission when Ziggy was away from the sound board, I snuck it back in his knapsack. The next day the bass player says, hey did you find that catalogue? What did you do with it? I told him it was back to the mothership.
He told the band and they thought that was actually very daring and funny and I had brass balls, but that wasn't my intention. Maybe you'll think I'm like the big "Mom" who ruins all the fun, but I just didn't think that making fun of this guy was very nice. It wasn't nice that we took something that belonged to him, and it wasn't nice to show this to practically everyone in the cast to have a laugh at. He may be a freak, but he was still entitled to whatever dignity he has. So I returned it to stop all the nonsense.
At the closing night party the tech staff all exchanged gifts. They gave Ziggy a new skirt. I wasn't sure if they were being genuine about that, or if they were still taking pot shots at him. But, I guess he liked it.
Wednesday, May 21, 2003
Monday, May 19, 2003
Home, Sweet Home!
Yo! I be home, aiight? I'm sitting at my computer checking about 200 emails. And my little Pisces-boy Farris is sitting on my lap a-purrin' away! And some birds made a nest in the dryer hose, which sits right above my computer so I can hear little birdies chirping and rustling around in there. And we can't use the dryer until they fly away!
I gained five pounds on the road, and by five I mean almost 10. I'm awash in mail and unanswered phone calls. I'm catching up on "24" and am about to go online to AIM and see who is there. I have to teach Thursday and reschedule students. Gotta return the rental car in the morning. Gads. I feel my blood pressure rising as I think about it all.
I don't have any souvenirs for anyone, sorry! But I did find one thing in...uh....let's see. I can see the town and the theater....OH YEAH! New London, CT. Anyway this one thing in a store that had Maria's name ALL OVER IT, so I bought that for her. And for Jessica I don't have any presents for you, but I did take alot of pictures of the very hot red-headed dance captain for Copa. Just for you. I wish I had the time to shop and the space to carry things so I could have bought you all presents.
Katie Miller WILL be at Mary's song circle on Thursday. I wish I had the time to advertise that, because that will SO ROCK! Just ask Maria. She witnessed it herself.
See you thursday!
Yo! I be home, aiight? I'm sitting at my computer checking about 200 emails. And my little Pisces-boy Farris is sitting on my lap a-purrin' away! And some birds made a nest in the dryer hose, which sits right above my computer so I can hear little birdies chirping and rustling around in there. And we can't use the dryer until they fly away!
I gained five pounds on the road, and by five I mean almost 10. I'm awash in mail and unanswered phone calls. I'm catching up on "24" and am about to go online to AIM and see who is there. I have to teach Thursday and reschedule students. Gotta return the rental car in the morning. Gads. I feel my blood pressure rising as I think about it all.
I don't have any souvenirs for anyone, sorry! But I did find one thing in...uh....let's see. I can see the town and the theater....OH YEAH! New London, CT. Anyway this one thing in a store that had Maria's name ALL OVER IT, so I bought that for her. And for Jessica I don't have any presents for you, but I did take alot of pictures of the very hot red-headed dance captain for Copa. Just for you. I wish I had the time to shop and the space to carry things so I could have bought you all presents.
Katie Miller WILL be at Mary's song circle on Thursday. I wish I had the time to advertise that, because that will SO ROCK! Just ask Maria. She witnessed it herself.
See you thursday!
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