Follies of youth.

Jesus, I'm laughing myfatass off. I ran across my old journals and dragged them out to read. What a fucking drama queen. I was totally in love with Bette Midler, so every time I wrote something, I wrote it in a Bette tone, or used her words, or whatever. And at least at the point I'm reading (summer 1982) I'm still a virgin, and talk talk talking constantly about needing to get laid and needing a man. HAHAHAHAHAHA! But at the same time I'm writing endlessly about my friend Melissa for whom I clearly had a big wet-on. I was practically stalking the woman.

There are alot of entries about this guy I went on three dates with who said he was in love with me on the second date, and I'm all over his shit! It's hysterical. I'm like, is he for real? How can you be in love with someone on two dates? He totally creeped me out, this dude. Even then my Capricorn-ness ran rampant. Oh, apparently I went on a date with some guy named "Pasquale". I have absolutely zero recollection of that. In fact, there are alot of people mentioned in there who I can't remember at all. Apparently I despised some woman named Andrea Nissen.

I have alot of entries about music: contests I was doing, songs I was writing, gigs I had, getting ready to audition for college, and an already forming bitterness about the music biz. Many of the things I wrote are things I STILL say! Here's one:

Am I wasting my time? Will all this music I write and arrange ever be heard? Is it all useless?

And this on Rock music:
I hate rock. It lacks imagination. it's all the same: screaming voices, distorted guitars, no bass lines (then I notated a static bass line), same boring back beat on drums, drooling macho, egotistical people. BO-ring!

A general entry: "I am itching to be on stage".

Biggest Musical influences at the time: Bette Midler, Heart, Teena Marie
Biggest rants: My father's shit, my brother being a jerk, my sister being self-centered and rude, needing to get laid, my pregnant friend smoking pot and drinking.
Biggest Moment: Getting a phone call from Danielle Alexander, a wannabe singer hopeful for a record deal. This would be tantamount to Jessica getting a call from Melissa Ferrick.
Boys I wanted to have sex with: Ralph, Michael (now the DA for Denver, CO), Harry (whoever the fuck he was...)
Boys I HAD sex with:
Dreams: Lots of fucked up ones about being axed and stabbed and chased and someone trying to kill me, and cages, and bombs...
Drugs of choice: Pot and cocaine. Yes, coke. I don't even know where or how I got it.
Favorite insult word: "Gizmonger"
Health issues: Saw a speech pathologist for my vocal raspiness, saw a shrink, and was on antibiotics for something.
Favorite Hang Out: Big Apple Cafe. Have no recollection of it.

Oh, and here's an interesting quote: "If I die a virgin, I'll commit suicide!"

Back again.

Whew! Back from Canada! The boys and I went up to Kitchener to record the bed tracks for the new CD. 10 songs in 3 days. It was so cool. The guys worked really hard, the producer knows exactly what I'm trying to do with this thing, and we got the beds ready for editing. Don't know when I'm going up there again, but I can't wait.

It was quite cold up there, not any different than these parts, really. We ate crap all weekend, and now I'm a total heiffer. You know you're in trouble as a white woman when black boys take a second look at your ass and say "lookin' good, mama!" So now I gotta buy a treadmill.

Had a blast on my birthday - Maria and Jess came to Buffalo and hung out. We wuz havin' dinner, then ceegars and brandy afterward. Then those of us still able to be awake past 11:00 went to Roxy's, the local lesbo hangout, for Karaoke. Is that the geekiest birthday ever? My singing buddy Katie and I KICKED ass, but really, not like we had real competition. Except for the bartender, Leah Russo, WHO SINGS THE SHIT OUT OF ANY SONG! And looks sooo good doing it. I'll upload a picture, when I figure out how to do that. Anway, Jess got picked up in 2.4 seconds flat, as soon as we walked in the door. And poor Jess has all these women around her aged 30-40 who are all mother hens and have their moons in cancer, and we're all trying to figure out how to handle this. I said stay out of it, unless she does something stupid, which I don't think she will because she knows better. But impulse control is soooooo hard as a teen. But she was great. She had a little fun, and didn't get into any trouble. We love that. Katie and Char, who don't know Jess but are both psychics, are asking me and Maria, should we intervene? We're not sure about the vibe we're getting here. And Maria just doesn't want to see Jess get hurt again so soon, so she's in wicked Mother Bear mode.

Then Amanda comes over and says "I think I should tell you guys I'm really a nice person, blah blah". And I just say "It's none of my business." And she keeps trying to talk to me and tell me she's okay, and I keep saying, it's NONE OF MY BUSINESS! Go ahead and kiss Jessica, for god's sake! It'll become my business if bad shit happens. Poor Amanda, like she was in a fishbowl! Little Jess and her four mother hens, all looking sideways at them. LOL.

And MARIA, got all manner of women fawning all over her, and she can't even be bothered! I'm like, uhhh, it's my birthday, and I'm supposed to get laid, and nobody can give me the time of day. And ol' Maria is swatting them down like flies in a horse barn.

So, presents. Money for the new CD, chocolate by the bagsful, a rewritten bible featuring the creation of the Rockstar, namely me, and a glass handblown (no pun) sex toy, the "Magic Wand", from my buddy Marty, who knows my inner self. Or at least somehow knew I wouldn't be getting laid this year.

So I got home and had all sorts of wonderful birthday cards and love letters/e-mails from people, as well as gig offers. We love that, too. Alright, so I'll update as I remember stuff. It's all a big blur right now.